Regaining a sense of control in a world where things are so out of control

A few weeks ago, I was sitting on the couch with a stemless glass of my favorite Niagara wine in hand. It was one of those really hot summer nights – the kind where you sweat the minute you walk outside, but it feels freezing when you come back in (God bless air conditioning). I was cuddled under a fuzzy Christmas blanket with one Maltese on each side of me. The tv was on, but I was more engaged with scrolling through my Facebook feed on my phone.

I remember thinking, “if only” about a few different scenarios as I scrolled. If only I had worked harder at my own business, I wouldn’t have to be an essential worker right now. If only I had washed my hair recently, I wouldn’t be so annoyed by how tangled it is right now. If only I hadn’t let fear dictate every facet of my being… Once I go down the “if only” rabbit hole, I tend to live there for a while.

I published a blog post on March 26th called “It’s okay to not be okay.” I haven’t posted since (until now). When I go back and read that, it’s almost surreal. Because at that point, we were only about 2 weeks in to what has now been going on for months. And the more absorbed I became throughout the following weeks over all of the things I could not control, the more out of control I actually became. Things that I would not usually do became the norm and parts of my life and personality that were not usually accessible to others became blinding. I felt a lot of anger and frustration and coped by avoiding and eating and drinking all the things. And crying… far more than I would like to admit.

Rather than finding peace in anything the last few months, I’ve felt pretty chaotic and overwhelmed. I’ve sat in silence on my back deck staring into my neighbor’s backyard (sorry, neighbor, it’s not you, it’s me) trying to remember what I was like at my healthiest, mentally and physically. I finally put pen to paper and wrote down some of those things and I’ve started trying to replicate some of those habits and processes in an effort to regain some control and to try to find that peace I felt before.

I guess the reason I’m telling you this is because if you’ve felt anything like this over the last few months, I can relate. And I’d offer you some of the following… advice? Maybe I’ll just call it thoughts.

Be kind to yourself. The last thing you need to do is tell yourself how terrible or worthless you are. Because you’re not. God created you for a purpose, even if you’re having trouble seeing it right now.

Take time to feel. I struggle with this so much, even when I am in a good place. Feelings are just not my thing because once I let the cat out of the bag, I have a hard time putting it back in. Cats are tricky like that, you know? But despite that, it is okay to have feelings and to share them. You’ll find that you’re not alone and sometimes that support makes a world of difference. Also, if you’re having trouble identifying what you’re actually feeling, sit with it for a while until you can.

Live in the present. In this world, things are changing minute by minute. If you let yourself get overwhelmed by what could happen, it’s going to be hard to appreciate what blessings you have right now and those moments are going to pass you by.

Practice gratitude. Identify at least 3 things every day that you’re grateful for. Just get in that habit. It feels good when you can be grateful.

Develop a routine. I get a little psychotic about my routine, to be honest. So there is a healthy way to do this. I’ll make another post about routines soon but the point is, they are important for a lot of reasons and can really help you feel more in control during times where things are mostly out of your control.

Remember that we are all unique individuals with our own experiences. We aren’t all going to experience or handle things the same way. You know that saying about being kind because every person is fighting their own battle you know nothing about? There’s so much truth to that. So just be a kind human.

Love your faces.

XO,

Jayme